In Tamil, you rarely call a relative by their first name. You call them by the word for how they are related to you, such as அக்கா for an elder sister or சித்தப்பா for your father's younger brother. Tamil has more of these words than English, because it tells apart older and younger relatives, and your mother's side from your father's side.
This page lists the most common words in tables. Families use them a little differently, and some words change between Sri Lanka and Tamil Nadu. When you are not sure, ask your family which word they use. They will be happy that you asked.
Parents
| Relation | Tamil | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Mother | அம்மா | The everyday word. You say it to your mother and about her. |
| Father | அப்பா | The everyday word. |
| Mother (formal) | தாய் | Used in writing and formal speech. You do not call your mother this. |
| Father (formal) | தந்தை | Used in writing and formal speech. |
| Parents | பெற்றோர் | Both parents together. |
Brothers and sisters
English has one word for a brother and one for a sister. Tamil has two of each: one for someone older than you and one for someone younger.
| Relation | Tamil | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Elder brother | அண்ணன் | You call him அண்ணா. |
| Elder sister | அக்கா | |
| Younger brother | தம்பி | |
| Younger sister | தங்கை |
You use these four words for your cousins too, when they are the children of your father's brother or your mother's sister. More on cousins below.
People also use அண்ணா, அக்கா, தம்பி and தங்கை for friends and even strangers of about their own age. It is a warm and polite way to speak to someone whose name you do not know.
Your father's side
| Relation | Tamil | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Father's elder brother | பெரியப்பா | |
| Father's younger brother | சித்தப்பா | |
| Wife of பெரியப்பா | பெரியம்மா | |
| Wife of சித்தப்பா | சித்தி | |
| Father's sister | அத்தை | The same word is used for a mother-in-law. |
| Husband of அத்தை | மாமா |
Look at the words for your father's brothers. பெரியப்பா and சித்தப்பா both end in அப்பா, the word for father. Their wives, பெரியம்மா and சித்தி, are like a second mother. This is how many Tamil families see them.
Your mother's side
| Relation | Tamil | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Mother's elder sister | பெரியம்மா | The same word as on your father's side. |
| Mother's younger sister | சித்தி | The same word as on your father's side. |
| Mother's brother | மாமா | The same word is used for a father-in-law. |
| Wife of மாமா | அத்தை or மாமி | Families differ here. Ask which word yours uses. |
Your mother's sisters share the words for the wives of your father's brothers. Your mother's brother shares the word for the husband of your father's sister. Once you see this pattern, the tables are much easier to remember.
Grandparents and grandchildren
| Relation | Tamil | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Grandfather | தாத்தா | On both sides of the family. |
| Grandmother | பாட்டி | On both sides of the family. |
| Mother's mother | அம்மம்மா | |
| Mother's father | அம்மப்பா | |
| Father's mother | அப்பம்மா | |
| Father's father | அப்பப்பா | |
| Grandson | பேரன் | |
| Granddaughter | பேத்தி |
Many families, especially in Sri Lanka, use a separate word for each of the four grandparents. The words are easy to build: put the word for the parent first, then the word for their parent. அம்மம்மா is அம்மா and அம்மா, your mother's mother. அப்பப்பா is அப்பா and அப்பா, your father's father. In the same way, அம்மப்பா is your mother's father and அப்பம்மா is your father's mother.
Children, nephews and nieces
| Relation | Tamil | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Son | மகன் | |
| Daughter | மகள் | |
| Nephew | மருமகன் | The same word is used for a son-in-law. |
| Niece | மருமகள் | The same word is used for a daughter-in-law. |
Husband, wife and in-laws
| Relation | Tamil | Note |
|---|---|---|
| Husband | கணவன் | |
| Wife | மனைவி | |
| Father-in-law | மாமனார் | When you speak to him, you often call him மாமா. |
| Mother-in-law | மாமியார் | When you speak to her, you often call her அத்தை. |
| Elder brother's wife | அண்ணி | |
| Brother-in-law | மைத்துனன் | A formal word. In speech, people often say மச்சான். More on it under Cousins. |
| Son-in-law | மருமகன் | The same word as for a nephew. |
| Daughter-in-law | மருமகள் | The same word as for a niece. |
கணவன் and மனைவி are the standard words, and you will see them in writing. In everyday speech, many people say புருஷன் for husband and பொண்டாட்டி for wife instead. You hear them most in spoken Tamil in Tamil Nadu, in Tamil films and among friends and family. People use them when they talk about a husband or wife, as in என் புருஷன், "my husband", not to call them. These words are casual. In a formal setting, or when you speak to someone you do not know well, கணவன் and மனைவி are the safer choice.
Cousins
Tamil splits cousins into two groups. The children of your father's brother or your mother's sister are like your own brothers and sisters. You call them அண்ணா, அக்கா, தம்பி or தங்கை, by age.
The children of your mother's brother or your father's sister are a different group. To talk about them, people often say whose child they are: மாமா மகன் is your மாமா's son, and அத்தை மகள் is your அத்தை's daughter. To speak to them, and about them, many people use மச்சான் for a male cousin and மச்சாள் for a female cousin, especially in Sri Lanka.
In the traditional view, these cousins are the ones you could marry. That is why the same two words are also used for in-laws of your own age group. மச்சான் is also your sister's husband or your wife's brother, and மச்சாள் is also your husband's or your wife's sister. In Tamil Nadu you hear மச்சான் too, and for a woman often மச்சினி.
மச்சான் has also left the family. Friends call each other மச்சான், a bit like "mate" or "bro" in English. In Sri Lanka, you even hear it in Sinhala and in English. The exact use of all these words still differs between families, so ask yours.
A tip for learning
Start with the words for your own family, the people you will meet first. Say them aloud with the person's face in your mind. Then add the words for their husbands, wives and children. If you forget a word, it is fine to ask. Most families enjoy teaching it, and they will notice that you tried.